Oh (Boy,) Canada...

My latest excursion was to Canada.  The purpose for the trip was multi-faceted, and of course, one of those facets was adventure.  And what an adventure it was.  Let's just put it this way - I'm pretty sure I've been red-listed in that country.  On my way in, I was sent to some thing they call the "Secondary Screening" place after being interrogated by an extremely bitchy woman at the customs desk.  Now, I know I can be a smart ass - I've known this for years and my Mom would probably say it started around Kindergarten.  But generally speaking, I turn to smart ass tactics only when provoked by someone who is exemplifying behavior of the like, stupidity, or just downright meanness.  I don't just take it off the shelf for the sake of shits & giggles - there is a reason behind it.  So this woman starts firing at me with stupid (see, there you go, she asked for it) questions and I answered with smart (ass) retorts.  Let me tell you folks, don't do that in Canada - they're snake-venom mean.  I'm not sure if this woman didn't like my face or found my perfume offensive or what, but that bitch was on a Not Gonna Let Laura In Mission.  At the end, I got into the country, but it was questionable for a few moments.

So there's the start - here's the middle.  I ate some wonderful food, drank great wines and was in the presence of yet more awesomeness of Mother Nature and her friends.  I had a gracious host who introduced me to some of the wonder of what is Canada.  This trip was not life-altering as the others I've taken while on my adventure out West.  However, it did remind me that when considering a potential hunk (which my gracious host was qualified for until around some time during the second day of the trip) and playing in the game of dating, that you must wear your helmet, keep your eyes wide open and make sure you know your opponent's strategy.  And when a flag is down on the play, pay attention to it - it's there for a goddam reason.  This all being said, the Potential Hunk and I had a nice time and I'm better for the experience.

And the end was just as entertaining as the beginning.  I was nice to everyone.  I followed instruction.  I was a soldier in line.  Then I gave my boarding pass and passport to someone who glances up at me with a raised eyebrow and proceeds to underline SSSS under the "Remarks/Observations" section of the boarding pass with hot pink.  Here we go again.  I continued to follow rules and smile, but it did no good.  I had to go through some machine AND get patted down.  They finally let me through, but I swear to the Big Guy, those people were out to get me. I've never had the desire to be featured on a poster, but I have a feeling that my mug may be somewhere hanging on the wall in the Toronto airport.  I hope they got me during a photogenic moment.

This is a Not Knowing What the Hell I was Doing - in more ways than one.  But I learned some things.  If I decide to go back to Canada and the Canadians will let me back in, I now know how to handle the situation.  And I was reminded that in the Dating Game, we should stick to our playbook, watch for those flags and someday, we'll get into the end zone.  We're all throwing down flags and can't be all things to all people and we have to play in the same game at the same time.  Eventually, those of us playing in the Dating Game will find the right teammate, wear the same jersey and scream TOUCHDOWN!!!!

Getting to the Center

I just went on an amazing trip with my brother.  It was not the drug-induced kind, although at some points, I felt particularly high.  One night, I walked to the center of a labyrinth and found a crystal at the center.  From what I've read, there are many meanings and cultural origins of the labyrinth - what I took away and what it meant to me was this:  I'm following a circular path that is lined with some direction, but in order to follow it to THE center, I have to trust MY center where my heart and soul live.  And then, you make it back out to the beginning and do it all over during those times we need to find our center, place a hand on a crystal and feel the magic again.

We also made it to the center of a vortex - I thought I was going to keel over trying to keep up with my brother (the sonofabitch is younger than I am and has longer legs), but success was had by all.  Standing between the beautiful enormity of art created by Mother Nature made me feel magnanimous and insignificant, all at the same time.  It imposed upon me the realization that as individuals, we can bring one another so many things - love, joy, pain, sorrow and everything in between and surrounding that (much like a labyrinth).  And that also as individuals, we are but a minute pinpoint that exists on this earth and I was summoned to absorb the fact that in the grand scheme of the universe, we are but that... a pinpoint.

I needed to learn that my joys and struggles and those of the people I know and/or love can be found in the center and celebrated, understood or solved, as it so applies.  And that we are like the tip of a pin that makes a prick in the universe and creates a tiny hole - but through that hole, a light can shine through and expand to places much bigger than us.  So this is a Doing What I Thought I Knew.

Casinos and Conundrums

So my last adventures have been in casinos - this was not by design, mind you.  I got a last minute deal to Vegas a couple of weeks ago, had no plans, so there I went.  Then the following weekend, Boz Skaggs was playing at a local casino, so I went.  It was awesome - both trips.  I spa'd in Vegas, won $100 (and I have no idea how to gamble) and discovered that there are topless pools at most resorts there.  No, I did not partake.  Vegas is a shit storm and I was in the middle of it until about 11 o'clock both nights I was there - met some crazy people, had offers to fly out of town the next day internationally, had offers to do things I didn't know existed on this earth, pretended my hearing was lacking while smiling, and then I went to my room and went to sleep.  Pretty much the same thing at the local card-slinging joint.  But I got to see Boz, and that was definitely worth it.  And I met a potential hunk with whom I have been on a date since then.  Apparently, that's not going to work out since I haven't really heard from him since.  A text or two - but at my age, you either call me and ask me for another date, or I pretty much figure you're moving on to the next best thing you believe to be out there.  Or, I scared him in some way shape or form, which has been known to happen.

So here is the conundrum as we've already covered the casinos:  Why are so many people so afraid to express their true feelings and intentions AND/OR why do so many people express feelings and intentions that are not true?  This is bubbling in me not just from the casino experiences of late - this is bubbling from the people I meet and the people I know in life and the fact that I've spent more time on my own than usual - which is saying a helluva lot, because I know what mega-alone-time means.  And this gives me MUCH too much time to ponder this crazy thing we call life.  But I suppose that's been the point of my West Adventure and one of the reasons the Big Guy placed me on this earth. 

So this is a Not Knowing What the Hell I'm Doing.  I need to make sure I'm doing and expressing what is true to me, and to make sure I'm connected with and choose to bring people into my life that do the same.  And that is sometimes a really hard soil to toil. 

Doing What I Know, Doing What I Thought I Knew, Not Knowing What the Hell I Was Doing: Flying Solo with Butterflies

Doing What I Know, Doing What I Thought I Knew, Not Knowing What the Hell I Was Doing: Flying Solo with Butterflies: One of the reasons I chose Arizona as a place to explore for 6 months was the ease of getting in your car or hopping a cheap flight and expe...

Flying Solo with Butterflies

One of the reasons I chose Arizona as a place to explore for 6 months was the ease of getting in your car or hopping a cheap flight and experiencing places I've never been or haven't experienced enough of.  I've now been to San Diego - one morning, I put on my running shoes, grabbed my phone and credit card and walked the city for 8 hours.  It was amazing.  I just got back from a last-minute excursion to the Grand Canyon.  Words just cannot describe.  Not just the beauty, but of what happened to me while I was there - all the way through my soul and into the middle of my heart.

Traveling by one's self can be liberating and a helluva ton of fun.  You do what you want to do when you want to do it - no one is late or bitching or having a breakdown because their hair doesn't look good and/or their ass looks big.  Since I've been hunk-less for so long, I barely remember what it's like to travel with a man, but I do remember they don't like shopping so much.  And I love to shop.  This all being said, I love to travel with other people - as long as they don't get on my last nerve.  My daughter and a handful of my friends are the ultimate joy with which to explore - we go with the flow and take it all in while having a freaking blast.  And you don't get looked at like you're plagued with a mental illness or a flesh-eating disease when you tell the hostess that there is just one for dinner.  And I swear to the Big Guy Above, if I hear "how is it that a woman like you is traveling alone?" one more ass-slapping time, I'm going to poke someone's eyeball out.  I really won't do that or I will be dubbed certifiably insane and probably get in some trouble with the law.  What I really do is answer:  "Because I can."

But for all of the people this weekend who looked at me funny sitting by myself, eating dinner while listening to a guy play a brilliant guitar and singing Willie and Kris or the couples and groups I passed on the hiking trails, I'll make a bet of a trillion dollars, none of them experienced what I did.  I was sitting on an outcropping of rocks, reflecting on life and a gorgeous, yellow butterfly started fluttering around me.  I wished it to land on me, because somewhere I've heard that is good luck, but she flew away.  I continued on my hike and I was literally thinking about how I wished she had chosen me as her landing pad when I saw her (or her twin) fluttering in front of me and I said outloud "Well there you are..."  And do you know what?  She came to me and landed on my stomach, drank some sweat from my bellybutton and flew away.  And I broke down in tears and thanked the universe for allowing me to be a part of such beauty and for keeping me in awe of what this life offers.

This is a Doing What I Thought I Knew - because my life after this has been altered in such an inspiring way.

Whack-a-Mole vs. The Groundhog

Having cocktails with one of my BFFs the other day, we came upon what I think is a hilarious interpretation of dating.  We are comparing ourselves to rodents, which doesn't bode well from a complimentary standpoint, but it's a knee-slapper, nonetheless.  Here it goes....

My friend is like the Whack-a-Mole.  If you don't know what that is, just think back to the carnival days and that game you played by which you were given a mallet and would try to whack the mole on the head each time it poked out of a hole.  Then, it would sink back down and re-emerge from another hole - and you would try and whack it again.  This is my friend in the dating world - she sticks her head out of the ground, finds some hunk (or male mole) that she is attracted to and vice versa , they go out on a date (or 4) OR have a flirtatious encounter(s), it doesn't work out for one reason or another (i.e. she gets whacked on the head), and then she goes back under.  Then, as nature would have it, she sticks her head back out only to be lightly boinked by the mallet, and, well, you get where I'm going with this.  But God love her, she keeps poking that cute head up with those brown eyes and doesn't lose the faith.

I, on the other hand, am like the Groundhog.  Every once in a while, I emerge from the down under to check out the scenery, smells and general vibe of the universe.  I take a look around, sniff, open my senses to the hunk that may be sniffing around me, and if I don't like it and my Groundhog hairs are standing up all over my body, I get the hell out of dodge and back to my safe haven and don't come up for a while.  Thankfully, the world is not relying upon me to end the winter season - I'd probably have a lot of enemies.

I suppose you could liken my quest to find the hunk of my dreams to waiting for the glorious Spring season and making sure everything is going to bloom and there's not a bunch of dog shit around my Groundhog hole that I may step in when I come out.  I'm not sure what you'd liken the Whack-a-Mole to - perhaps playing the game until you win whilst not getting too many bumps on  your head.  Either way, this dating adventure is just that, an adventure.  No matter what hole you're coming up from or going back into.

This is a Doing What I Know.

The Clueless Has Landed

I've spent my first few days in Arizona for the first time on my own and I've learned a few things.  I'm better off going on a run to figure out where everything is - the other day, I figured out I've been driving around my ass to get to my elbow to get to groceries stores (here, you can buy vodka in the grocery stores along with wine and I find that glorious) and the drug store.  But hey, I found a Trader Joe's, so that was okay - even if it was 17 miles away.  I've also learned that there is a sundry of great shopping and eating that doesn't require me to get in a car to get to - simply put, dangerous.  I've learned to put sunscreen in the crown of my hair.  I'm imagining some ugly flaking in the near future.  I've learned that drinking as much water as is required especially when exercising makes one less inclined to drink as much booze as normal or eat as much which is great for weight loss AND hydrating the skin (which, by the way, in combination with really great lotions has my skin looking better than ever, so here's a big raspberry sent out to the naysayers who said I'd dry up like a Papyrus greeting card - my skin is brown and plump - so there). 

When I embarked upon this adventure, I wasn't running from anything, but rather to a space in which I am able to discover more about who I am at this stage of life.  Stepping away from the pattern and place I've created for myself and into a bit of the unknown is what I've needed to begin to center myself and start to ask:  How do I become the absolute best version of me?  As a mother, a daughter, a family member, a friend, a professional, a contributor - ultimately, what the Big Guy designed for me when he decided to throw me into the womb of my Mom.  I imagine Him saying:  "Alright, Cindy, here are your ingredients, let her bake for a while and make sure you take her out of the oven at the right temperature and texture 'cause she's got some work to do." 

So, I am in throes of experience, learning and cleansing myself of all the negativity, internal and external,  that even DARE to get in the way of me turning out to be the perfect recipe I was intended to be. I just ain't got time for that.

This is a Not Knowing What the Hell I'm Doing - but man, I'm gonna have a ball.